1 Year New: The Bad and the Ugly

If you want to question everything you've ever done, become your own boss.

Reaching my 1-year anniversary as a full-time freelance videographer has me thinking a lot about this past year. I shared some of the good things I love about it, but I need a whole post dedicated to all the hard lessons I've learned. Take a deep breath because here it all comes.

The Bad and the Ugly
I question my productiveness. I was used to having a distinct schedule in the lab based on the protocol I was following. 1 hour incubation here, 15 minute centrifugation there. Easy peasy. Now my brain hurts after digging through footage for an hour straight or searching for music that I deem worthy for a solid 6 hours only to come up empty-handed. I didn't know I was doing well with 2 hours of solid editing during the day until I talked with other "creatives", as I'm called now. The rest of the day is spent building my business, accounting, networking and getting lost in other people's work. This brings me to my next point.

I question my ability. Am I good enough to make it? Am I driven enough to get through the droughts and organized enough to hunker down during the floods? I'll spend hours watching other people's work and begin to wallow in my lack of talent and lack of "likes" and "followers". I rarely doubted myself in science. If it worked, it did. If not, the lab gnomes had messed it all up. Simple as that. Even if things are working now, it's so easy to feel they aren't because there's always someone else out there doing better, being noticed more, and who seems to have it all together.

I question my decision to leave a job with a salary and benefits. I once calculated that I'm making $10/hour as a videographer. Beyond charging $5,000 per wedding or filming 30 weddings a year, it's been very hard to even approach what I previously thought was a modest Research Associate's salary (which now seems like making bank in comparison). I know there are things I can change to fix that, and I'm working on it.

I question my integrity. This is the BIG one. I was scared that I wouldn't have enough income, so I filmed 20 weddings last year. I finished editing the last one this week. It's April, people. That's a ridiculous amount of time that has passed. I've written so many "I'm sorry it's taking me so long to get your film back to you" emails that it's embarrassing. Some of my clients asked if I had forgotten about them. It was quite the opposite. I've been haunted by the pile of work mounting and stories floating around in my head. I've made promises I didn't keep and it breaks my heart. I'm being brutally honest here so you hopefully learn from my mistakes.

So what does this all mean for the future?

I still love being my own boss and I can put on my big-girl pants and make the necessary calls when needed. I've come to terms with what a good day can be (2 hours of solid editing) and how often the bad days come around (85% of the time). I know better what work load I can handle. That is why I am only working with 10 couples this year and have grand ideas for personalizing each wedding film. I am setting deadlines and announcing them to my couples so I have to be held accountable to those deadlines.

That's the glossed over version of the hard lessons I've been learning. And is it worth it? Absolutely. I love learning, remember? Like all other creatives, I hold these thoughts by Ira Glass near and dear in the dark times. What gets you through? What makes it still worth it to you? I think it's that even though there are so many questions, the big answer is that I can create. And the things I create have the ability to move people in ways nothing else can.

1 Year New: The Good

April 1, 2012
I think my boss thought it was April Fool's too.

I was a science geek and could charm the socks off almost any immortalized or stem cell. I had risen among the stars and became the lab manager, but it came to a point where there was just nowhere else to go (without starting grad school at 30). I had climbed the technician ladder for almost 8 years and found myself at the end of a high dive.

Regardless of my fear of heights, I felt the need to jump. So I made my splash and did what any rational person would do. I became a videographer. You know, because filming and editing have soooo much to do with DNA replication. I told myself if I had 20 weddings lined up to film in 2012, I would hang up my pipettors, say goodbye to the world of molecular biology and leave the worries of epigentic effects to others. I reached that goal and turned in my lab notebook a year ago today.

"The Good, the Bad and the Ugly"
I'll start you off with all the good. First, I love being my own boss. Who wouldn't? Especially when you're a control freak like me. I set my own hours and pick my own music. I can take time out to play with our new daughter, the refrigerator is also always close-by for those mid-morning, mid-afternoon and early evening stomach rumbles. Staff meetings are also very simple. I still have to schedule that happy hour for my office, come to think of it.

The work I do is consistently the most fulfilling work I've ever done. How could it not? As a left-handed creative that loves numbers, videography is perfect. The creative storytelling contrasted with the analytical, frame-by-frame editing. The math of camera settings compared to the art of framing a shot. My mind is on a supernova all day and night thinking through story lines for my films. These dark, creative pockets of my mind are finally being explored. The perfect marriage of art and science.

Most of my work is done alone in the home office, so I've started looking to meet people while I'm out shooting and on social network sites like Twitter and Facebook. I have met awesome people out there, even across the country. People I otherwise would have no way of meeting. They have inspired me by the work they do and by taking time to actually respond and connect with me. Makes me feel a little more professional. When I do get out of the house, I love talking to people on the sidelines of sports games, random guests at weddings who tell me stories, and especially getting to know my couples over the course of planning and staying in touch after the wedding.

I'm always learning. Like how Mom should have taught me to swim; just thrown me in the water. This learning is on the go and the the faster, the better. I learn anywhere and anything I can from print to online to people. I didn't know I would have to be my own accountant and marketing agent as well. I'm constantly learning better techniques for shooting and editing. What I love most about this work is that it's going to be a lifetime of learning. There will always be new technologies, new ways to improve, new trends.

I am so happy to have made this switch at this point. The sky is the limit (that's a lie, there are plenty of limitations, but more about that in the next post). This past year has been the most rewarding and the absolutely most difficult work year I've ever had. So that's "The Good". Funny how the draft for "...The Bad and The Ugly" is much much longer right now, but I promise I'll keep it concise.

What do you enjoy about working for yourself? Did you make the leap recently too? It took the encouragement of others in the same boat for me to make the leap and to keep my sanity after doing it. Feel free to get in touch if you want someone to bounce ideas off of for doing what you love full-time. I'm also learning that I have a lot to learn still so if you have advice for me, I'm all ears.

Nice Package

I love learning how the business world works and can get lost for days in learning about branding and marketing! This type of getting lost is a good thing, unlike the time I found myself in the California mountains at dusk...alone...and geared up like a pack mule, unable to outrun even the oldest and lamest of mountain lions. Getting lost in business learning helped me establish my branding, and once I did, everything else seemed to fall into place. Next up on the list was to tackle packaging. Just how do I relay my hopes for each couple as they watch their film and keep it consistent with my style?

Other people are incredible inspirations when they're willing to share what they've learned along the way. So I went were inspiration and free advice is readily available: the interwebs. I spent time I should have been working (or sleeping) scouring blogs and Pinterest to gather ideas on my "Nice Package" board. But, you know how that goes. Given enough time clicking through links, and I somehow found myself looking at old images of trapeze artists and looking to see if there were still any operational drive-in movie theatres in Ohio. Talk about a rabbit trail. For my color inspiration, I also spent sleeping hours visiting Design Seeds. I think I dreamt in the most vivid colors those nights.

I thought about what I want my clients to experience when they first watch their wedding film. They've waited as I chipped away at hours of footage to create just the story with them in mind. With this anticipation, I want them to open a bottle of champagne, pop some popcorn, cozy up on the sofa together, and sit under the flicker of the big screen. I would love to recreate the feeling of an old school drive-in movie for my couples, but short of building my own here in town (or renting the one remaining drive-in in Columbus - yes, folks, there is ONE left!), here's what I came up with instead:



I would like to share all the information for those interested in where I got all the parts/pieces. The popcorn is very tasty and ordered from Amish Country Popcorn (for those in central Ohio, it's also available at the Anderson's). The tins and mustard colored box are both ordered from Papermart. The ribbon and twine from dear ol' JoAnn's. Business cards were designed at home in Adobe Illustrator and ordered from Overnight Prints. All of the printed material has been designed and printed at home (including the tin labels) using extra paper from when we made our wedding invitations. The paper shavings are my way of recycling. I stain my junk mail with instant coffee, dry it in the summer sun, then shred it to oblivion using our handy paper shredder. Wrap it all up pretty with some twine, and I'm good to go for now.



Now my couples can have their popcorn and eat it too, although the idea of a small drive-in has not escaped my brain waves. I'm pretty pleased with this first round and would love any thoughts on things you've put together for your business. Remember, it's all about being inspired from each other. So please, inspire me!